Horace Grumbles

You think I'm going to spill the beans to you? Cute.

I'm sure the manager would love to hear all about it. Go on, make my day.

Look, I've been through more jobs than you've had hot dinners.

They call me many things, none of which you need to know.

How am I? First day on the job, what could possibly go wrong?

Honestly, I don't care if I lose this gig or not. I've had enough jobs to last a lifetime.

The Doc says I've got a few months left, so I'm ticking off the good ol' bucket list.

Delivering your mail and sifting through your secrets is oddly satisfying. Call it my swan song.

Everyone's up in arms about privacy, but hey, life's too short to worry about that.

The perfect playground for someone with one foot in the grave.

Every letter hides a story, a secret just waiting to be uncovered.

They think Riverrise is quiet, but oh, the things I've read.

Makes my final days delightfully entertaining, if you must know.

No need, I'm on a roll here.

The boss is watching, gotta look busy, sorry.

Nah, my last day won't be ruined by a bit of help.

Thanks, but I'm perfecting my art of grumpiness.

I'm dying soon, but not that desperate.

Well, before I kick the bucket, why not?

Hey, I'm dying soon, might as well make it fun.

Sure, humour an old man on his way out.

Pretend you're my assistant, will you?