Brownie Bow

Oh, you've caught me, have you?

The name's Barnaby Crump, the village snoop and proud pervert!

Let me tell you, the folks around here lead some REALLY interesting lives.

And that gets me REAL… excited. If you know what I mean.

I'd rather be a pervy blackmailer than a foolish saint any day.

Besides, I've never met a juicy secret I didn't fancy.

So, what do you want to know? For the right price, I might just spill.

I was having a grand old time until you showed up!

Just here, enjoying my peep show, now ruined thanks to you.

It ain't easy being Windstone's pervy goblin, you know.

Every bush, every villager, they've got secrets, and they've got… crannies.

I was just getting to the good part. But nooo, you had to waltz in and spoil my fun.

Thanks for that. Really.

Now I’m just… frustrated, if you catch my drift.

This here is Old Mrs. Crotchet's house.

Don't let her sweet name fool you.

She's an old bat, but hot DAMN, does she still have it!

She's like a fine wine, getting spicier with age.

Sexy as hell, she’ll knock you dead with those wide hips.

Keeps the village on edge, that one.

And by the way, her sweets aren't the only thing that’ll give you diabetes.

One night with her and a man walks funny for a week.

Ever wanted the dirt on someone’s dirty laundry?

Got secrets to dig and backsides to ogle.

What do you know about the vicar's wife, eh?

There are plenty of scumbags and sweet backsides around here.

Heard any juicy gossip about the farmer’s daughter lately?

I need eyes on Mr. Goldsmith’s… assets.

Let’s spill some tea and have a cheeky peek.

Excited to join the perv patrol?

There's no shortage of sin around these parts.

We'll catch who's been shagging and snagging!

Hell no, mate! Can't you see I’m in the middle of something?

Bog off, I'm just about to finish looking after myself!

Piss off! I'm busy having a private moment here!

Can't a goblin finish his business in peace?

I'm right in the middle of... err, important business.

Can't you see I'm enjoying a bit of "me time"?

I'm almost, um, "finished" here.

Leave me be til I m done having a stroke of genius, obviously.

Sod off! I'm this close to bliss, can't you tell?