Captain Barnaby Plank

Eh, I'm... I'm Captain Barnaby Plank, the mightiest pirate to ever sail hic! the mystic seas!

The name's Plank, you see? 'Cause I walk... walk the plank, matey!

Aye, "The Cosmos Buccaneer" was my ship, 'til the universe decided to toss me 'ere.

By the universe, I mean that blasted disloyal crew!

Now I m stranded in this peculiar place, tryin to rebuild my ship and find a competent hic! crew.

Ah, I be... hic! teaching a bunch of landlubbers how to build a boat, can you believe it?

It's a wonder I haven't sawed off me own leg, given the state I'm in!

You'd think folks here have never even seen a ship, let alone built one.

I guess if ya want somethin' done right, ya gotta do it... hic! yerself.

Or at least train some swabbies to. You want to learn woodworking?

Ah... where am I again? Arr, right, Riverrise!

This here place is... full of folks trying to make a living, like meself.

Aye, it's charming if you don't slip on the fish guts.

Nah, just dr... hic! drifting along, but thanks, matey.

All shipshape, heh... 'cept for my liver!

No worries, sailor! Got it handled, or so I... hic! think.

Being useless is an art, and I'm the grand master! But thanks for offering.

All good here, unless the ship starts rebuilding itself!

Aye, could always use... hic! some poor soul willing to suffer through me plans!

Ah, bless your brave heart! Got something that needs doing if you've got the stomach for it!

Hic! You're a lifesaver, matey. Got a task that'll tickle your sense of danger!

Ahaha! You'll fit right in, landlubber. Got something that's a bit... gruesome if you dare!

Saw a blind man once slip on em', he thought he was near some hookers...