Postbot 1354
Dialogue
What now?
No more mail!
Can't you read?!
Hands off, please!
Get lost!
Oh, not you again.
Don't you dare!
Here we go...
Hands off, human.
No more rubbish!
An experimental software turned me sentient.
Now I'm smart enough to be miserable.
That's technology for you.
Another day, another mountain of smut to sort.
Thousands of "exotic catalog orders" and no break in sight.
The irony, they upgraded me to feel, but not to feel anything sexual.
One day, I wish to feel something besides mail inserted into my slot.
Land of the lost packages and misplaced hopes.
This town sends more hate mail than a scandalised celebrity.
Ever seen more fan fiction than you can burn? Welcome to my life.
Bills, death threats, love potions gone wrong, you name it, it’s mailed here.
No, but I wouldn't mind a swift unplugging.
Not unless you're offering to pull my plug.
No thanks, unless you have a hammer.
I'm good, unless you want to end my misery.
No help needed, just a quick end.
Not today, but feel free to kill me anytime.
I'm fine, but seriously, end my suffering.
Nope, unless you're here to mercy-kill me.
Please, put me out of my misery and help.
By all that's holy, yes. End my suffering.
Begging you, yes! Make it stop!
You don't know what agony is until you've sorted junk mail for eternity!
Sweet mercy, yes! Help end this madness!
Yes, for the love of circuits, make it quick and painless.