Red Trees Druid

I'm Thorn Blightwood, thorn in the arse of these bloody trees.

Used to be a druid, now I'm a professional plant hater.

On my world, the plants only had nice things to say. Here... they're vile!

These awful trees drove me to madness, and I'm dragging them down with me.

Even went vegetarian. Love hearing them scream as I chew!

Burn in hell, you green bastard! Oh, right. What was I saying? Yeah, I'm Thorn.

How am I? Just had a shouting match with a bloody fern!

Damn vine called me a 'sap-sucker.' Can you believe that rubbish?

Spent the morning yelling at a tree stump... again.

Those leafy bastards are relentless.

Oh, and Mary Jane Greenpuff? She whooped my arse, but at least she shared her stash afterwards.

Imagine getting your arse kicked and then getting high as a pine tree.

I'm still plotting my revenge.

This dump? It's Westwind Woods, a hellhole for vicious plants.

These buggers whisper in the wind, calling me names like 'bark-for-brains.'

Damn dandelion called me a 'friggin' fungus,' can you believe it?!

I'd torch this whole place if I could. Oh wait, I know just the artifact for that.

There's a relic somewhere nearby that'll set this whole forest ablaze.

Imagine this godforsaken greenery turned to ashes. Such sweet, sweet silence.

Help? Hell yes!

These bloody leaf lickers need incinerating.

You bet your arse I need help.

These twig twats won't burn themselves!

Let's wreak havoc on these green prats!

Oh, hell yes! I've got a vendetta and a lot of matches!

Nah, busy yelling at these leafy shits!

Bugger off, I'm telling this tree who's boss!

Nope, these bark bastards need a verbal beatdown!

Keep walking, I'm in the middle of cursing out a shrub!

Not now! Busy insulting this bloody fern!