Brownie Bow

Oh, caught me, did ya?

Name's Barnaby Crump, village snoop and proud pervert!

Lemme tell ya, folks around here got REAL interesting lives.

And that gets me REAL... excited. If you know what I mean.

I'd rather be a pervy blackmailer than a dumb saint, any day.

Besides, ain't ever met a juicy secret I didn't like.

So, whatcha wanna know? For the right price, I might just spill.

Was having a grand ol' time until you showed up!

Just here, enjoyin' my peep show, now ruined thanks to you.

Ain't easy bein' Windstone's pervy goblin, you know.

Every bush, every villager, they got secrets, and they got... crannies.

I was just gettin' to the good part. But nooo, you had to waltz in and ruin my fun.

Thanks for that. Really.

Now I'm just... frustrated, if you catch my drift.

This here s Old Mrs. Crotchet's house.

Don t let her sweet name fool ya.

She's an old bat, but hot DAMN, does she still got it!

She s like a fine wine, gotten spicier with age.

Sexy as hell, she ll knock ya dead with those wide hips.

Keeps the village on edge, that one.

And by the way, her sweets ain t the only thing that ll give ya diabetes.

One night with her and a man walks funny for a week.

Ever wanted the dirt on someone s dirty laundry?

Got secrets to dig and asses to ogle.

What'cha know about the vicar s wife, huh?

There's plenty of scumbags and sweet asses around here.

Heard any juicy gossip about Farmer's daughter lately?

I need eyes on Mr. Goldsmith's... assets.

Let s spill some tea and peek some cheeks.

Excited to join the perv patrol?

Ain't no shortage of sin around these parts.

We'll catch who's been shagging and snagging!

Hell no, mate! Can t you see I'm in the middle of somethin'?

Bugger off, I m just about to finish seein' to meself!

Piss off! Busy havin' a private moment here!

Can t a goblin finish jackin' off in peace?

I'm right in the middle of... uhh, important business.

Can't you see I m enjoying a bit of "me time"?

I'm almost, um, "finished" here.

Leave me be til I m done having a stroke of genius, obviously.

Sod off! I'm this close to bliss, can't you tell?