Captain Barnaby Plank

Eh, I'm... I'm Captain Barnaby Plank, the mightiest pirate to ever sail hic! the mystic seas!

The name's Plank, ya see? 'Cause I walk... walk the plank, matey!

Aye, "The Cosmos Buccaneer" was my ship, 'til the universe decided to toss me 'ere.

By the universe, I mean that blasted disloyal crew!

Now I m stranded in this peculiar place, tryin to rebuild my ship and find a competent hic! crew.

Ah, I be... hic! teachin' a bunch of landlubbers how to build a boat, can ya believe it?

It's a wonder I haven't sawed off me own leg, given the state I'm in!

You'd think folks here have never even seen a ship, let alone built one.

I guess if ya want somethin' done right, ya gotta do it... hic! yerself.

Or at least train some swabbies to. Ye want to learn woodworking?

Ah... where am I again? Arr, right, Riverrise!

This here place is... full of folks trying to make a living, like meself.

Aye, it's charming if ya don't slip on the fish guts.

Nah, jus' dr... hic! driftin' along, but thanks, matey.

All shipshape, heh... 'cept fer my liver!

No worries, sailor! Got it handled, or so I... hic! think.

Bein' useless is an art, and I'm the grand master! But thanks fer offerin'.

All good here, unless the ship starts rebuildin' itself!

Aye, could always use... hic! some poor soul willing to suffer through me plans!

Ah, bless yer brave heart! Got somethin' that needs doin' if ya got the stomach for it!

Hic! Yer a lifesaver, matey. Got a task that'll tickle yer sense of danger!

Ahaha! Ye'll fit right in, landlubber. Got somethin' that's a bit... gruesome if ye dare!

Saw a blind man once slip on em', he thought he was near some hookers...