Old Tourist
Dialogue
Well, ain't you a sight!
How the hell are ya?
Look who rolled in!
Hey there, hotshot!
What's up, troublemaker?
Howdy, ya rascal!
If it ain't my favorite pain in the ass!
You back for more?
Well, hot damn! I'm Hank McAllister.
I got sucked outta my cushy vacation in a netherworldly paradise to this shithole.
Over in my old haunt, there were no monsters, no work - just a whole lotta sun, surf, and booze.
Kinda miss it, not gonna lie.
But hey, who needs all that lazy relaxation when you got adventure waiting, right?
Aw, you know, I'm doing just peachy, thank ya for askin'.
I was traveling with a brave adventurer these last few weeks.
He died tryin' to clear the way to Crypt City.
Poor bastard didn t stand a snowball's chance in hell, bless his heart.
Monsters out there are tough as nails and meaner than a rattlesnake in a heatwave.
But hey, you look strong! I bet you could beat 'em.
If you make it back, I'll even have a cold one waitin' for ya!
So many trees, and I mean so many damn trees.
Looks like nature went on a bender and puked 'em all up, huh?
But hey, it s got that rustic, quaint charm.
Like one of those fancy-ass postcards you d send your granny.
Honestly, I don t know shit beyond that.
I was drunk during the tour.
Oh hell yeah!
You're a goddamn lifesaver, partner!
Damn straight I could use a hand.
Knew you were a frickin' hero!
You bet your sweet ass I need help!
A knight in shining armor, only more badass!
You re just the hero this shithole needs!
You certainly seem strong!
From a brave adventurer like you? Nice!
No fuckin' way, bud!
Gonna sit tight and finish my damn beer.
Some poor bastard already signed up for the doom patrol.
I'm just here enjoying my brewski.
Oh, hell naw!
Already got someone out there dancing with danger.
Time for me to just kick back and chug this beer.
Fuck no, partner!
Some other hero's out playing monster bait.
I'm kickin back with my favorite brew.
Nah, don't worry 'bout it!
Some lunatic already took up the challenge.